When You Blame Others, Here’s What’s REALLY Happening

Do you get caught up in the blame game?

With a relatable and amusing anecdote, vulnerability researcher and author Brené Brown discusses how blaming others is actually a means to discharge our own hurt and pain. It all makes total sense, doesn’t it?

Why do we blame others?

We tend to blame others so that we do not look bad. We have a tendency to shift the blame when something hasn’t gone quite right People don’t realize they are acting the part of a hypocrite when they judge another person by pointing the finger.

Take control of your life by blaming others less

Some people get emotional satisfaction from talking about how awful other people are. But research has found that when you talk negatively to, say, a friend about how awful a colleague is, the listening friend is more likely to associate the negativity to you rather than to the person you’re describing (1). Researchers call this ‘spontaneous trait transference’. So it’s best to go easy on bad-mouthing others because it may backfire anyway.

Let go of your attachment to the problem.

Trying to control the problem—your boss, your spouse, or your circumstances—will only keep you more attached to it and. The more you “leech” onto a problem, the more it “leeches” right back on you.

You will never be able to see the lesson or the solution if you dwell on all the little details about what seems wrong. Letting go could come in many forms: seeing the good in the person who seems difficult, accepting a situation for what it is, or seeing the other side of the story.

Dorothy Johnston

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